This is a very interesting topic! I have long thought I had elements of bipolar, but the "manic" side was not nearly so dramatic as the traditional BP diagnosis called for. I have not even wanted my mini manic aspects treated, as they are not always troubling. Why would I want to erase the occasional episode of euphoria? I even avoid discussion of these episodes with therapists/docs in order that they leave them alone. (Now I wonder if that was a stupid idea.)

I am now in a barely treated state of depression with bouts of euphoria and more or less generalized depression. It is sometimes hard, but generally acceptable. In this state I am prone to sudden rushes, a truly physical sensation, of emotion that are breathtaking. They last a few seconds to a few minutes. They are usually, but not always prompted by some environmental experience. They can leave me feeling great, even religious bliss, but usually leave me with a wave of profound grief where I have to fight off tears if in public (alone, I let em flow). These events occur several times a week, and sometimes several times a day.

Does this sound familiar to anyone here? It is such a private experience, I feel alone with it.

I don't really want to treat my illness to the point where these experiences disappear, either the good or the bad. For a while I was on Zyprexa (?) then Seroquel (?) which did eliminate them and it was such a flat and lifeless feeling. Not to have these emotional squalls seems like it would be like a big wave surfer trying to enjoy lake surfing.

On the other hand, when I am untreated or mal-treated, things get completely trashed out and I have hard time sorting out "reality" from semi-religious delusions (of which I not certain are not delusions when they happen. Maybe they are not!).