the more you make struggles about emotions the more she will not budge and misbehave. it sucks but it's true. This is what I would try to do....Start by putting yourself in a "closed room" in your head until she calms down and will listen. Ignore her until you get the response you want. As soon as you get that response, talk to her like normal. like nothing had happened and it is the first time either of you have spoken. If you find yourself losing control of that, step outside until you regain it. Tell her ONCE what you expect from her before you start ignoring and don't use the words ok, please, alright, or make it a question of any kind. that gives her the choice. And just refuse to do anything that she can do herself and talk to her until she decides to be good. This will take days before it's a habit and one fall will start the whole thing over again. If your ignoring her causes violent tantrums, put her in time out on a chair in the corner. it's ok to hold her there...better she not hurt herself and your house. Of course not hurting her yourself by holding too hard. Make sure when there are calm times, even if you have no energy too, you give lots and lots of hugs smiles and I love you's. Do not ever let yourself say what you already have, again. It will be forever imprinted on her heart. This is completely up to you. Her behavior is based on yours.