I just had an encounter with a person that I was trying to cut out of my life because every interaction I have with him is triggering to me. It was very emotional and upsetting - found out for certain that he has been hiding certain things from me and also found out that he knew about some things I thought I was hiding from him. I feel like such a worthless moron and the only thing I want to do right now is hurt myself as punishment for being so stupid.

I know I need to ride this out and do healthy things but my reserves were low to begin with and this encounter has them pretty close to empty. If I cut, I let myself down but if I don't and spin completely out of control, I let myself down too. No easy answers...not even medium ones...just hard choices always. And I'm so tired and don't know if I have the strength to hold it together anymore without some form of release.