I have really lost it.

I started cutting not so long ago - I just felt compelled and figured that it is still better than actual suicide.

The problem is; it is getting worse. The cuts are getting deeper, I'm getting more aggressive; it is so freaky - I feel I MUST punish myself very hard.

The instruments I use are getting more and more horrific too. From clean cuts I moved to anything that does a severe tissue damage including serrated knives and the sharp edges of bottle tops.

I cut into the same wound again and again until it is wide open, swollen and bleeding.

My arm is shredded. It is awful.

I just don't know how to stop.

I have such an aggression and hatred inside.

Frankly; I am a bit scared of/hoping for one cut going just that little too deep, almost accidentally.