Edda
I understand the release that takes place with cutting, but I also hear the fear in your voice over what you are doing to yourself. Are you going to counseling? If not, perhaps it is something you may think about doing to discover why you feel this need to hurt yourself. OR if you do workbooks, there is a simple book called the Scarred Soul that walks you thru self harm. it is really non threatening. I worked thru it until it came to the part about committing to not harm and I couldn't finish it, but I didn't harm again for over five years with the information I learned in the book. take care.