liz...
I don't even know how you're holding it together, to be honest, yet alone being aggravated lately but still pulling yourself through work. I can't even work and that's without the grief and loss, the chronic pain and fatigue, and the ageing body stuff.
I don't blame you one bit for having a tough time with any or all of it. Especially not all at once, which it is right now. Life just really sucks the big one sometimes (or often, depending on your experience). It's not always easy to have a positive outlook and use more...I don't even know what the word is. Positive? hopeful?...thinking.
I don't really know what else to say. I'm in a low place too so I don't really feel like I'm in a position to encourage anybody without sounding really fake. It's not in my nature anyway. But I empathize for you and I want you to know that if you need anyone to vent to you can message me. I rarely check out a lot of these forums. But I always respond to messages.