online user, MdngtRain, catsrhelm,
Thanks for the replies everyone. I'll give my case manager a call tomorrow, then... from what I'm understanding, it doesn't seem to be the right med for me. If I'm lucky I'll get an appointment.
I just finished a therapy course for the depression but was referred to another one for sometime in the near future, hopefully that will help some. So far the medications I've tried hasn't done anything to ease any of my symptoms at all, though it's only been two so far. It would seem they've both made things worse in their own way. The SSRI one was a bit intense. I felt like I was part of a horror film... again. I have no idea what the stressors are, but I guess that is something that the therapy will help with that I hope.


htebsiL radnalaS - Thanks so much for sharing with me. You've really come through a lot. I suppose I don't really know much about bipolar at all after reading what you've written. Perhaps I'll talk to my sister who is majoring in psych (as well as my pDoc/case manager if possible). I may know a little of what you mean of having a sort of spin and crash cycle. I have these times where it's almost like I wake up and say to myself, "What was my problem?" and then immediately start making crazy goals and start on it only to fall hard a couple weeks into starting it. It's marvelous, really. If only I could be that way all the time I'd be making history in less than 10 years. I'd also have about 10 different university degrees even though I can't seem to even finish high school. Some other stuff too but I'm already writing a book here so... Never thought twice about it because parts of it were always encouraged.
I hear you about the comfortably familiar depression... which is kind of why this mix was freaking me out so much. Usually when I "wake up" it's like depression never existed for me, but this time I was experiencing both at the same time and the "high" feeling was very disturbing to my comfy depression.
And those are all great questions. I haven't really talked with my pDoc/case manager yet about this. I'm always afraid to bring things up because I think that I'm making things out to be more significant than they actually are, you know what I mean?

errr... I have a question that's been bothering me. How important are issues from the past? For instance, I heard a voice that no one else heard for several minutes once... he was a demon who was both angry and in pain because of me and kept yelling at me... but it was only one time so it couldn't be a big deal. So when she asked me if I heard voices others couldn't hear, I said "no" but felt a little guilty even though I don't really hear things. And a few other things that I've experienced that don't really happen anymore that they asked about and I just said "no" for all those things too since I haven't experienced them for a year or two or more depending on what it was but again felt a bit guilty. But it's probably not relevant now, right? :S