Please take the time to look up the helplines in your community. Make a list of the most important ones like the suicide phone line and put it close to your phone. If you get those dark thoughts call and talk to someone. Be safe.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Depression is such a cruel disease. At least we can be here with you and let you know you are not alone.
At least open the curtains and let the light into your house. Don't sit in the dark, OK?