I think it only took me a year or two in college for things to really turn around. I hated living right up until age 19 or so--so many bad things happened and I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Being alive every minute hurt horribly, like a burn victim.

I am happy that I found a way to live that actually feels good, so yes I'm glad that my near fatal sui attempt at 16 was thwarted.

I still have struggles but things are soooooo much better. Therapy has lead me to feeling deeply cared about both in and out of treatment. i can't tell you how good that will feel because you will get there too. It seems trite to call it "happiness", it feels more like care and love. I never ever thought I'd feel anything but horrible pain.

If I could talk to my younger self the sad thing is I don't think she would believe me. I haven't forgotten what that hopeless kind of pain is like.

Stay in therapy if you can, whether it is your school T or someone else eventually. Staying away from toxic people is vital too (your family sounds familiar--are you sure we aren't related?? :P)

There is a lot of treading water that happens to get through it. But it really does lead to better things.