Because I have to go in there and tell her things are not all rosy and happy like I want them to be.

I was diagnosed as bipolar II, by a doctor I later found out was pretty bad. And it was a very snap diagnosis made literally within 5 minutes based on only the short intake form and a very few in-person questions.

I am still taking the stupid lamictal that I was started on almost a year ago, just before Labor Day in fact. I felt all along it did not do a thing for me mentally, I was just as sad when up to the full dose for a while. I felt like the depression and anxiety diminished because l worked really hard at filling my life with positives, and also because I exercise a lot and that is a great stress reliever. What the lamictal did was get me addicted to it, and cause side effects. Anemia and tremor. But, when we started to withdraw on the normal schedule, I,had withdrawal symptoms, chills, severe tremor/the shakes, nausea, and it was actually pretty rough. So, we managed the other stuff, went back to,the full dose, and am withdrawing extremely slowly.

Now, the anxiety and some depression is coming back. I was later diagnosed by my therapist with C-PTSD, and my new, current psychiatrist is using that as a working diagnosis. I desperately do not want to be stuck with the diagnosis of bipolar, I really don't want any MH diagnosis, because I fear that if people find out it will cost me my reputation, my job and career, family relationships, and if my career is trashed retirement/future lifestyle is going to be really rough. But, I guess I could live with PTSD more than bipolar.

The big problem is that I am becoming symptomatic again - is it that lamictal really was helping? Or, it might be just because the events that happened which are coming back to me in vivid memories, bringing up those old feelings, happened last year in August and September? A lot of situations trigger it. Place, time of day, and, oddly, especially lighting, such as when it is dusk, and the sky has a certain look. And I am starting to feel sad again.

I need to bring a lot of this up today with her. I just want no trouble, smooth sailing. Bottom line, I am afraid a mental health diagnosis is going to ruin my life, and I have way too much to live for.

So, I think I need to be really open with her and tell her I need some help beyond just tapering off lamictal. I guess the only thing is, I felt horribly betrayed, destroyed by the reaction of the quack last year, who treated me like a criminal. I feel like this current psychiatrist I can trust, and that she is competent and genuinely wiling to work with me as a healthcare provider, instead of just forcing me into doing things I really didn't want to do by coercion under threat of calling the cops on me to haul me off to the psych ward.