Speed, I am so sorry... Your post brought tears to my eyes, even though I'm not a mother and can't possibly imagine the intensity of the pain of losing your only child.

I've recently lost my grandpa and my dad and I barely survived their birthdays/namedays/holidays without them.

A big part of me died with them and nothing feels the same anymore... I miss them more and more as time goes by.

But I hope that maybe one day I will be able to remember them with love and smile, not cry. They wouldn't want me to be miserable because of them anyway.

I hope it gets easier for you over time. Take care...