I don't think therapists should yell at their clients, no.

I think they should be able to deal with things like anger, including if the client becomes abusive and devalues the therapist, without yelling. I speak as someone who has been absolutely horrible to her therapist on many an occasion. I always think I'm actually angry with him, but a lot of it is really down to transference. One of the things I respect most about him is the way he doesn't take things personally. He has told me that, if I'm being horrible to him, it's because I need to be, that I have all this torture in my system.

His reactions are so understanding and gentle that I just find it confusing as it doesn't follow the relational templates I have (I expect him to get angry and emotionally reject me). There was a session where I told him I hated him and he should go f**k himself. I was wrapped in a blanket and I stormed across the room and sat in a chair. And my T walked over to me - and gently tucked in the blanket.

However, you asked if a T should always remain calm or if shouting or yelling are allowed. I'm not sure those are the only options. I think a T can become impassioned, or upset, or angry, but they shouldn't express it in a way that makes the client feel unsafe.

All of that said, I want to tell you about an experience I had a while ago. According to the way I experienced it, my T yelled at me really loudly. It was terrifying and humiliating. I said something like: "Stop shouting at me!" and put my hands over my ears. My T said: "Right, let's try being quieter." I went home thinking he'd yelled at me. I did a whole load of googling, wondering if it was unethical, if I should complain, what the heck I should do.

Next session, I told my T how upset I was that he'd shouted at me like that, how frightening it was. How it was so loud that half the street must have heard. And my T asked if I was sure he'd shouted that loudly. I said: "But my ears hurt..." and he said I could have the experience of him shouting, and my ears hurting, without it "actually" happening (ie outside of my own head), because I might have been reliving something. He told me it was unthinkable that he would lose control like that, that he would shout like that. That the way he was speaking right then, which was quite impassioned, was the loudest he would ever be.

I know my T well enough to believe him. I'm telling this story because I don't know why you're asking this question, but I think it's worth knowing that, if you think a T has shouted, it's worth checking out whether they actually did or if it was some kind of projection. If so, it still happened for you, it still matters, but it puts a whole different slant on things.

As to shouting at a client who has a hard time opening up, I can't think of anything less helpful!