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webster11
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Member Since Aug 2013
Location: utah
Posts: 4
11
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Unhappy Aug 15, 2013 at 02:40 PM
 
we have been together for 2 years, living together for almost the whole time. About a month in a half ago I found out about his porn problems. I found a rediculous amount on the computer history including sites made for interaction via live cams, chat and the ability to email outside of the site. my boyfriend was staying up 3-4 nights a week doing "homework" all night long and would find him still in front of the computer when I would wake up in the morning. I eventually decided to check the history and found that his homework really only consisted of about an hours work. I told him to get into therapy and counseling with someone who specializes in sex addiction. he has done that and his behaviors are improving--- but no matter what I do i can not trust what he is doing. He used to go into work to download porn, so now every time he is late getting home I freak out. Every time he gets a new email notification on his phone I am horrified. Every time he stays up later than I do I can not sleep even though I turned off the internet. It has even gotten to the point that I feel if we are watching a movie with nudity I feel like its going to trigger him, and it angers me and makes me jealous for him to watch. I have absolutely no self-esteem anymore and I do not know how to regain trust. He lied to my face so many times that when he tells me he is not lying now I dont believe him, and I feel that the only reason why I know about it is because I caught him- but still feel like maybe he was doing other things: visiting strip clubs? having relationships with ex girlfriends? phone-sex? etc... when I ask him about what else went on all he says is that the past is in the past and that it does not matter because of how good he has been doing in the present. His therapist has him doing this workbook thing where he is supposed to list all of the things he has done to be harmful sexually-- my boyfriend asked me to not look at it and I couldn't agree because I feel that I can not completely forgive him for things if I do not know what those things are. It got so bad that I finally told him to go live with his mom 2 days ago because I am so exhausted with trying to figure him out, and I could not agree to him keeping more from me, because that is what started this whole thing. I can not stop with these thoughts in my head and it is driving me mad. How does a person gain trust back after having been so betrayed and lied to over and over. I still love him, but find myself searching for the wrong in our relationship, because I have found so many things... I can not see the good. please help!!
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