Sometimes when I see my psychiatrist I come away feeling really ashamed and guilty. I feel like my appointment is a test and I failed it. Like today. I've developed an eating disorder and my anxiety is still not under control and I have chronic back pain due to osteoarthritis which my Nurse Practitioner won't give me any pain medication to relieve.

He explains to me that I'm on a lot of medications and he's worried about the effect they are having on me with no food in my system. He explains to me how serious this weight loss is, but he doesn't help me understand why I'm doing it or how to stop it. He just tells me that I have to eat more. Maybe my psychologist should be helping me understanding why and how to stop. I feel like I'm getting all this help so it's somehow my fault that I'm not getting better. I came home crying and telling myself that I'm such a loser that I'm even "failing live".