Because my life is a complete mess and I have no idea how to get out of it and it is my own fault for letting my depression take over and just floating through each year not trying to change anything and being irresponsible. I moved to be with my BF with the intention of having a life and my own family and as soon as I moved I found out things and started to wonder if I made a mistake. That was 9 1/2 years ago. I stayed with him year after year being miserable and arguing about the same things over and over, knowing damn well that he wouldn't change and things wouldn't change. But did I make a plan to get out? NOPE! I should have went to school or taken some kind of course so that I could afford to move out and support my ownself. I should not have spent money on things I didn't need and I should have had a 2nd job and deposited that money in my own account. However in my defense I have several illnesses and most of the time I am not feeling well and have no energy. The depression doesn't help. I started to get depressed as soon as I saw what the situation was. Then I let it take over my entire being until a year and 1/2 ago I had a breakdown and stopped functioning and dropped out of life because too many things went wrong all at the same time. Finally I am on meds but I don't see a way out. I have no hope and I have alienated everyone I know. I am angry and hurt because I feel people have abandoned me and I'm holding grudges against people and I know its only hurting me but I won't reach out. I need help, I need a break, I need a miracle.