This is a bit of a rambling post but I just need to talk: I am terrified that I am wasting my life away... after I graduated from high school 10 years ago, NOTHING has gone the way I thought it would. I know this happens to pretty much everyone to some degree but I thought I would at least be able to graduate college.

Instead, 10 years later, I am in bed. Existing, not living. I've done the college thing, the job thing, the volunteer thing, etc. and none of it has worked out. I can't hold a position doing any of those things because I get so tired.

It seems like so many people base other people's "worth" on what they accomplish monetarily, which makes me sad for many reasons. My parents have to support me (I'm blessed to have them) so I'm not bringing any monetary income in... and I feel judged for it. I even judge myself for it. I hate that.

Anyway last year was hands down the worst year of my entire life; my bipolar twin sister did something that I feel literally "broke" my heart. I had a huge breakdown; now I know what people feel when they have been so traumatized that they just shut down completely.

I am better mentally than I was this time last year, but I am still not great. I am on meds (have been since I was 14), I have better days than others, but even on my "better" days I am in bed most of the day.

I am just curious how many of you "exist" while lying in bed for days on end. It would make me feel better to know I am not the only one, and I am genuinely interested in how many people are so afflicted by depression/bipolar/whatever that they are "mentally confined" to their beds like I am, if that makes sense.

As for the rest of this post... I just feel very worthless and am existing, not really living. :/ I hope most of you are doing better than I am at the moment.