I could have written your post. It took me years and years of therapy to get to the point where I could get off my own back, and I'm still not that good at it.

I guess the one thing I've learned is that what's past is past. Regret is completely understandable, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Maybe you should try to focus on what you can do now, instead of what you did then. Pick one thing and then break it down step by step, and try to do one step a week or something, no need to rush.

Hang in there.

CB