My dad used to get very angry. Yelling, breaking stuff, that kind of thing. The way I remember it, I had zero feelings about this. I wasn't scared or upset or anything. I have this memory of going to my bedroom and putting a chair against my door but I thought I was just pretending, I wasn't actually scared.

So I believed I had no feelings about any of this and I didn't question that belief until, a few months ago, I asked my T: "Do you think I was scared and dissociated from my feelings?" and he said yes, without hesitation. I suppose I thought I would know, somehow, if I had feelings and put them away. I assumed it was logical to feel nothing because I must have known he wouldn't do anything really bad. But now I wonder if I did know that.

For some reason this is on my mind now, something somehow jogged my memory to thinking about it. I know nobody can actually tell me as you weren't there, but do you think my T's right and I dissociated? Or do you think it's possible I just wasn't bothered? Sorry, not entirely sure this is the section to post this in but I'm not sure it belongs in the abuse section and people hardly ever reply on there.

Is it possible that a little kid could just not be bothered if a parent is angry and basically having a temper tantrum? I always thought so but now I'm not so sure. I feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing. My T told me recently that he thinks I'm minimising how bad it was. I would agree if it was someone else and not me, you know?