What does everyone else do when they feel dead on the inside? I've become hopeless with my life. How do you get through a terrible week!!! I'm struggling and to a point where I don't care anymore!!!

Recap: Sooo I haven't seen my T in 3 weeks now!!! I stopped seeing her because of the overwhelming feeling of recovering from my ED. Today is a numb day. I feel dead on the inside and fantasize about how my life is going to end and it doesn't bother me one bit. It's a bit comforting. I just came back from vacation and the area I live in I feel so unloved and unwanted by everyone. My life seems pointless and I don't seem to enjoy anything right now. I don't know if I should reach out to my T,she's a busy woman and I don't want to bother her. Especially how I'm not actually her client right now. I feel hopeless and empty.

I don't know if these feelings or lack of will pass. I don't know why I'm writing here,just getting some feelings out. Any suggestions in my life?talking to ex T? Activities?

I'm a monster within myself and I'm terrified of myself but at the same time,it doesn't faze me. I hate my life!! I try so hard everyday but I'm tired of trying!!!

I don't know what I'm looking for here and I don't know what I'd say to my exT if I talked to her. I'm sure she's sick of me like everyone else in my life.

I'm sorry to bother all of you,just wanted to vent to my psych fam