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I found this Forum looking for a group of people like me. I dont know any people in my life who have had depression like me. I Find it hard to share things with people because im afraid of what they will think. I am 23 years old and most people think I have a nice life when really most days its hard to even get up.
I am naturally a introvert and love to spend my time alone wheather reading a book or listening to my music and when I am really down I listen to intrumental music a lot. With my depression I tend to always say no when people tell me it will get better. My boyfriend is always there for me but its hard to tell him myself how I feel somedays.
Its so easy to make it look like I am happy. I think I have perfected it and no one seems to notice. But when im home alone I cry alot and wish it would go away. I Make myself look good when i go out so people wont ask questions. I dont like to draw any attention to myself.
I beat up myslef a lot when something doesnt go right when most people move on. When something small happens I cant seem to let it go I dwell on it for days. I dont like how people make opinions with out knowing how it feels to have this. It makes it hard to focus on different things it hard to set goals and achieve them.
I hate that I have it. I feel like an outsider. I wish somedays it was like a cold that lasts a week and then it is gone. Sometimes I feel like im struggling under a blanket and it gets hard to keep going.
I take medication for it but when i feel good I stop taking it and I went down hard. My family tries to be there for me its just hard to take it because I like do things on my own because of my introvert side. I hate taking medication because I feel different than most people. Im afraid that I will be taking this for the rest of my life.
I know somtime in the future it might be better.
I just have to keep going.....
:sigh:
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