Wait you stopped seeing her because you were overwhelmed with recovering from an ED? Was she pushing you or were you just overwhelmed...? I think feeling overwhelmed is a normal part of therapy. Can you go back to her? People quit and come back all of the time. I'm sure your T isn't sick of you.

I personally naturally want to stare at a wall upset when I feel dead inside or SI. Sometimes I do that. But listening to music or playing games or drawing or watching TV or writing often helps. Not always through. I wish I had a better answer for both of us.