I'm sorry that today has been rough. It is okay to talk here. You are talking an appropriate amount.

Certainly staying alive is the most important thing. Also very very important is staying in condition to return to school. I gather that SI gives you (short-term) relief to the overwhelming pain you have been experiencing, and which seems particularly acute today. So you see it as helping you stay alive and return to school.

I would rather have you SI than attempt sui or be dead. Still, I wonder if you might try some other ideas. There are many web sites offering many alternatives to SI. For example:

Sirius Project - Alternatives to Self-Harm

Alternatives to Self-Injury

all I loved, I loved alone

Would you be willing to explore some alternatives?

You know, feelings are not always correct. You feel as though you are not making progress--yet it used to be 47 days and now it is 17 days (16?). In that sense, there is progress.

But perhaps you mean that you don't feel better. Each day, hour, minute is still a struggle, shouldn't you be feeling better? My view is that you have a very difficult situation right now and keeping above water each day is itself an important success. Besides, people here want to support you because you are you. We would love to see the kind of progress you want to see, but we support you regardless.