I'm going to die one day anyway so what's the point. Nothing I do is enjoyable except drinking alcohol. I'm just sitting in my dorm room, too shy and depressed to leave the room and talk to someone and no one seems to understand just how shy and depressed I am. They try but still they don't seem to understand.

I'm angry too. There's just no point. I'm at university but I don't know what I want to do with my life. Most jobs require social interaction and if not that, then skills. And I suck. I'm just so miserable. Day after day. I would really like to talk to someone, a therapist or something, tonight. But I doubt I can do that without making an appointment and this late at night.

I'm just sick of it. Even if I tried to make friends I have nothing to talk about. I'm an empty shell. And no one seems to get it. Feels like someone's drained all the color from the world. Like swimming underwater and it's dark and endless and I never find any light or change. medication isn't working. Too shy to even properly get help. Too much of a coward to kill myself. I'm so angry. I want it to be over. I'm all alone forever. And rightly so. I'm a hateful angry *****.