Not really sure where I'm at anymore. I felt really strong for a few months. I don't really have the urge to binge or purge or anything like that. Well I did today a little, but nothing overwhelming. But I've been restricting. I can't stop myself, it seems so natural. I feel like something happens and I don't get my way and I retaliate by starving myself. If I don't like what the food choices are I won't eat. But I'll be pissed that I'm not eating. It's now almost 8 pm and all I've had today is breakfast and a small bowl of curry, and a bowl of pudding. I know I'm not getting near enough calories to fuel my body at my current weight yet when I do eat enough I feel like I'm overeating.
I am so tired of this.
Also my MH is totally down the tubes right now and I can't leave the house and I feel stircrazy and restless and I'm freaking out and how I used to handle this is by eating but I'm not doing that anymore so I just feel like I'm going crazy. Almost just went to the hospital the last two days because I was so hysterical about it. Feel like I'm losing my freaking mind.