I think more people than not have some sort of task in their lives that they avoid and then feel overwhelmed by. And for women, financial matters often score high on that list because of the secrecy that surrounds financial matters in our society. Lots of taboos and shame there to go around. I don't know your age, but there's also a generational attitude that can play its part.

All the messages we received growing up about money and decision-making and our competency or lack thereof reveal themselves in the most inconvenient ways. And then the shame and overwhelming feelings and avoidance kick in.

It may be worth thinking about hiring a third party to straighten things out. It helps to take the emotionality out of it, and the people who do this for a living aren't interested in judging you, nor will they be surprised by whatever the circumstances are. And certainly if it involves taxes it's better to get representation and be pro-active in settling things.