thank goodness for timestamps and dates. thought this was couple days ago. nine to be exact. doesn't feel like nine days have passed.

some things are over with....the driving mainly. come wet season it would have been ugly.

a few battles coming up that have our stomach in knots. feeling like a total nitwit loser for having difficulty with the things that have been so difficult lately. for a person with PTSD these things are not easy. one of the values of this forum/site/community is that what may seem easy to us personally might be another's sticking block.

when we so automatically go into self flagellation mode it helps to read others not just rah rahing "you can do it" but the tales of others and their paperwork tigers and meeting bulls and phone call elephants.

what things we find challenge in might be easy to others but nobody here says "hey stupid...wise up and figure it out like the rest of us normies"

without the words of others here to read we'd be lost within the beating oneself up because nobody knows how to be meaner to ourselves than ourselves.

we're not falling into the "we should be happy" trap. there are many reasons to be but if we're not feeling it we're not feeling it. can't force it. and won't guilt self out over it.

grateful? yes. happy? no. glad to be alive? oh hells yes! that is not an answer we'd have given easily in past decade.

glad the meds are doing what they need to be doing. glad we're taking them as best we're able according to the schedule rx'd.

know that making some of those phone calls will help get the ball rolling with a number of things......but knowing and transforming that into the action of picking up the phone, dialing, and following through on these calls is a whole 'nuther matter.

apologies for inability to answer posts individually. today was very uncomfortable interspersed with restlessness and self doubt.

sometimes it can seem as if the stars lined up to make it rain on our parade. everybodys parade gets some rain. some end up wearing ponchos. feels like a long time since we had to break out the poncho....but maybe we've had it all along and are only now (re)gaining awareness?

hit that wall and haven't quite been the same since. imaginary wall but totally real psychological and physical injuries. whining to some. venting to others. complaining in the eyes of many....but necessary......oh so necessary right now.

our continued gratitude and sorrow that so many understand from their own experiences and share so freely and deeply with us.

guess sleeping meds only work if you take em, eh? if sleep goes off the entire delicate balance gets whacked and most of you know the rest from there....

oh yeah doesn't help that attending a wedding coming up is huge source of anxiety.....no reason for it......good ppl......very understanding and accepting of illness/disease/disorder.........yet putting on the whole costume expected (dress, fake-up, stockings, heels, that whole thing) sometimes fills us with panic. we know we'll have great time, that we'll look lovely and that this whole pre freak out wasn't necessary....try telling that to our brain and stomach and twitchy legs and arms and weepy eyes and and and..........

take the dang sleep meds rx'd and catch some precious zzzzzzzzzzs.

unrelenting stress brings it all back to basics at times........that time for us is now. barely hanging on to the knowledge that this is path we've been on before and survived.