You are not alone, I too exist solely on my bed. I literally have spent the last two years of my life in my bed. Perhaps sharing my ordeal will make you less lonely. I know when I read your post I just had to post.

I had planned to go to college and be normal like every other 19-year-old, but I am instead here in my bed trying my best to stop sobbing so I can breathe again. I mainly suffer from major/clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety, social anxiety, migraines, insomnia, dysmenorrhea (severe menstrual pain), and fibromyalgia syndrome (chronic widespread pain). Both my physical and mental health have been compromised since I was 14 (9th Grade). I suffer from poverty and live off of welfare as well. This also means all money goes to gas and household needs. Which I suppose is fine, I can't drive a car anyway since driving triggers my panic attacks. I have been accepted to every college I apply to, but I don't have any money to go. Even if I could, I can't write my own notes since my hands constantly hurt and each key on this laptop is like a needle. I have very low self-esteem and am unmotivated. Even so, I become irritated at anyone who suggests community college without looking at the whole picture.

I can barely walk and I'm too depressed to eat or sleep. I'm on several anti-depressants and muscle relaxers. I have always felt lonely and I feel like I have never had actual friends besides my brother; everyone has always rejected me. I hide from social contact and live with my elderly parents. I felt the need to hide in the bathroom while the cable man came into the house and installed cable TV and internet. I also cannot ask store employees any type of question or speak to anyone outside of my family. My family hates this about me and don't really understand me. My only friend, my brother, enlisted in the army and now I am in complete solitude.

I don't get along with my parents, I feel a lot of hate and resentment towards them. My mother is a non-medicated paranoid schizophrenic and by the time my diabetic father realized this and stopped working, the damage was already done. Due to work injuries and heart complications, my father is unable to work. I actually feel as old as my parents health-wise. Welfare is the only thing keeping us from being homeless, hungry, and deprived of medical attention. I have been homeless numerous times growing up and relied on school cafeterias as my primary source of food.

I miss being able to walk without experiencing pain (and being able to actually run) and being able to "interact" with the world. I remember hating everyone at school because they could simply walk to class without suffering. I finished high school early and did not go to prom or walked the line since I couldn't take the stress anymore. Since then, my bed is my home and prison. I feel nothing but painful responses from anything I touch. My bed has pillows and foam, but I feel the same needles and aches as if I was on the floor. And I haven't even mentioned that CWS took away four children I was attached to from our family. I have tried killing myself multiple times and some attempts were quite odd ideas.

I wish I was a normal college kid who was actually living, but I am just another person living their "life" on their bed. No job, school, or contribution to society. I leave my house only for doctor visits and appointments with my psychologist. I hate going outside, the sun, the brightness of daytime and it takes A LOT of effort to get me out of my room, let alone my house. I felt very tired and numb most of my life, but recently I have found a computer hobby. I still feel like crap, but at least I have an actual bed to slowly decay on and something to keep me busy.

I find that listening to music helps me throughout the day. And no not the fake happy songs, the real songs about pain and suffering with raw emotion. Mostly hard rock and metal. I call it my own music therapy.