online user, MdngtRain, catsrhelm,
Thanks for the replies everyone. I'll give my case manager a call tomorrow, then... from what I'm understanding, it doesn't seem to be the right med for me. If I'm lucky I'll get an appointment.
I just finished a therapy course for the depression whst is "therapy course for depression"? jut was referred to another one for sometime in the near future, hopefully that will help some. So far the medications I've tried hasn't done anything to ease any of my symptoms at all, though it's only been two so far. It would seem they've both made things worse in their own way. The SSRI one was a bit intense. I felt like I was part of a horror film... again. I have no idea what the stressors are, but I guess that is something that the therapy will help with that I hope.


htebsiL radnalaS - Thanks so much for sharing with me. You've really come through a lot. I suppose I don't really know much about bipolar at all after reading what you've written. Perhaps I'll talk to my sister who is majoring in psych (as well as my pDoc/case manager if possible). I may know a little of what you mean of having a sort of spin and crash cycle. I have these times where it's almost like I wake up and say to myself, "What was my problem?" and then immediately start making crazy goals and start on it only to fall hard a couple weeks into starting it. It's marvelous, really. If only I could be that way all the time I'd be making history in less than 10 years. I'd also have about 10 different university degrees even though I can't seem to even finish high school. Some other stuff too but I'm already writing a book here so... Never thought twice about it because parts of it were always encouraged. Couple days ago on PsycCentral articles I was reading about ADHD/ADD symptoms as compared to OCD symptoms. Your post reminded me of what I read. It may help you and your Pdoc with fine tuning treatments.
I hear you about the comfortably familiar depression... which is kind of why this mix was freaking me out so much. Usually when I "wake up" it's like depression never existed for me, but this time I was experiencing both at the same time and the "high" feeling was very disturbing to my comfy depression.
And those are all great questions. I haven't really talked with my pDoc/case manager yet about this. I'm always afraid to bring things up because I think that I'm making things out to be more significant than they actually are, you know what I mean? YES I GET WHAT YOU MEAN! it wasn't til i met someone in DBSA support group who was very experienced and well-read with her symptoms that I learned how to better identify my own symtoms. Now I practice looking at all this as points on a continuum with black/white at either end and shades of gray in the middle. l learned better how to decipher between which symptoms/behaviors/thoughts/feelings fit in the gray area and which exist in the extreme black/white ends outside the gray area. I started looking at the intensity of my feelings in terms of deciphering which are more relevant to current circumstances and which are holding me back. For example, depression during loss of my loved ones is in the gray. Depression during cloudy gloomy days might be outside the gray. Either of those examples can receive help in many different forms from many different sources. There is no one right way. Anything from journaling to physical activity to meditation to eastern or western treatments... A lot depends on how well you're functioning day to day and how well you're functioning using one treatment or another. Quality of life determines whether or not symptoms/behaviors/thoughts/feelings might be able to exist more in the gray. My hunch is you're not making things oversignificant. I wonder if you're not downplaying things because you have been doing/thinking/feeling it for so long that for you it's just normal. That's been my struggle because I always have to take a step back and ask myself, "does this happen a lot and how does it benefit/hinder me in daily living and long term goals?" It helps my perspective when I can observe other people's coping tools. AND It's important for me to stay focused on my own experiences without judgment or comparing myself to others.

errr... I have a question that's been bothering me. How important are issues from the past? For instance, I heard a voice that no one else heard for several minutes once... he was a demon who was both angry and in pain because of me and kept yelling at me... but it was only one time so it couldn't be a big deal. So when she asked me if I heard voices others couldn't hear, I said "no" but felt a little guilty even though I don't really hear things. And a few other things that I've experienced that don't really happen anymore that they asked about and I just said "no" for all those things too since I haven't experienced them for a year or two or more depending on what it was but again felt a bit guilty. But it's probably not relevant now, right? :S Do you feel guilty because you feel like you lied or because you feel like you were holding back from sharing info that might help fine tune treatment plan and/or because you judge yourself for having heard what you heard? I'm thinking that it might help telling dr you're concerned/confused about not knowing if xyz is relevant because of time frame or because of any other reasons...