It's not hopeless, and you are not alone. Have you looked up cognitive behavior therapy? And which medications have you tried? There are some that help with ocd, but no medication is enough by itself. I would start, if it were me, with forcing myself to not have to have everything perfect. It's not possible and therefore some things need to just be let go. Even if you feel you can't. Satisfy that need with something else. Something that you can make perfect. Go back to work. Without continuing to live your life, there is nothing to live for because you've taken it away from yourself. You can not say you will die alone with certainty because you truthfully have no idea how your life with turn out. there are always incidents and circumstances that occur unexpectedly and out of our control. Honesty, because of that I feel there is no point in giving up. Because you just don't know. Practice keeping your mouth shut. Bite your lip if you have to if you know it's too much and you will harm a relationship. You can stress and freak and obsess and have compulsions in the privacy of your home...Later. I know this is soo much easier said than done. It's what has helped me. There are ways to think that can get you through this. One of them is just finding the strength to get up, and get going, despite. You have friends here. Any time you need help, we will be here, and we will not get tired of your questions and quirks because we understand.