Yeah I hear ya about the ups and downs. Sometimes everything's going along just fine and I'm like, Hey I can do this! There's nothing wrong with me, what was I thinking? So I go on with my life and then BAM, at some point I just get floored again and I feel like I was such a fool to believe anything would change and can't see anything else in the world.
I never had any therapy until a couple years ago, I'm 34 now. I didn't know it was possible. I thought people just suffered through life, or that I was just some kind of freak and I needed to get over it and because I couldn't there was something wrong with me so I hid away.
I hope that's not the case for you. It's a lonely existence.
Welcome to PC. Hopefully you can find some support here while you figure out what it is that will work best for you.