TRIGGER WARNING- suicidal thoughts discussed
This is not a post crying out for help- right at this moment, I am okay and have a T who I share some of this with. I am interested in how you view your Sui thoughts (for those of you who have them).
I have never in my life attempted suicide though I have had that serious inner dialogue and felt very close to being ready- once as teen and again a couple of years ago. It has always just been thoughts- more like grappling with the "how do I get out of this pain...well, there is always this sure way out" type of thinking. Zero plan of action.
The past year I am aware I have Sui thoughts at least several times a day, only they seem more morbid (ex: I am always pausing the moment before I open the garage door and have the thought I could start the car and never open it, or when blow-drying my hair I have a quick thought of dropping the cord in the sink). I have always had the thought of writing out good-bye letters, yet now I find myself making mental notes in my head of points I want to make sure to include in my messages to those I would leave behind (but I haven't actually written them). I find myself looking at the calendar to pick a month where it wouldn't conflict with a holiday or a loved ones birthday....you get the point. I have these thoughts daily on a passing level but always have felt it more of a mental way out of my pain, versus looking to do the act. Is it normal to be crying over a mental good-bye letter I've written in my head to my parents? I mean, is this just the nature of having these thoughts---or because they are just always lingering in the back ground. Should I be concerned that it feels more detailed now? Is this how it progresses to the actual act or does everyone more or less live with these thoughts to varying degrees?
Last edited by shezbut; Aug 17, 2013 at 12:58 AM.
Reason: Added a trigger icon
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