I don't think everyone lives with these thoughts, no. But I also don't think it's necessarily a case of linear progression as everyone's different. Your post concerned me because you're getting into specifics like what to include in a note or when to do it. It isn't normal to be upset over those hypothetical letters and I do think your post suggests a high level of distress being expressed through those sui feelings.

I have attempted sui. But as a teenager who had dissociated lots so I cant tell you how I felt. I will say that I think it's helpful to separate out the feelings and the actions. It's like wanting to eat a cake and finding reasons not to - you can decide not to eat it but still crave it, still feel hungry. I think it's important to work out what belongs to the actual hunger if that makes sense?

I find myself thinking of ways to do it but I know that, for me, it's part of the hunger, not me actually getting a plate and getting ready to eat the cake. But that's just me. Sorry I sound rather unemotional, am feeling a bit robotic today, it's not personal. Big hugs to you.