First, experience with a son of a behavioralist who was raised to believe in behaviorialism. He believed that altering his behavior would alter how he thinks. Whether this is ultimately true or not is arguable but in my experience resulted in this person not taking any responsibility for his thoughts or things he said, and he seemed to draw a line between words and actions, as if his words were not negative behavior sometimes. If you reward his negative behavior by staying there, it may say to him its okay. He sounds self-absorbed enough to only see your responses to him in big chunks of what you do, and not listening to the finer points you may be arguing with words and emotions.

Second, his verbal abuse is abuse. I can bet he doesn't speak that way to patients, who are pretty much strangers, so why would he talk to the person he supposedly loves that way? Shouldn't he be kinder to a loved one instead of meaner? He can and should control it, or not even feel that way in the first place.

If he already disrespects you enough to talk that way to you, it will never get much better. He can "alter his behavior" possibly, but the feeling inside will probably stay the same and he will slip back. Meanwhile, every hurt will cause you to trust him less, until you will not be able to enjoy even the good times. It may take years, but it will happen, I know this to be true, then you will descend into codependence and the treatment will get worse and you will endure it. Probably, at some point, he will become shocked and horrified at his behavior, blame YOU--you should have had some self-respect and left despite his protests, and leave you anyway. He's probably already there on the codependence, sounds like, after all, would you want to stay with someone who you call names like that? No, you're there because you are afraid to be alone. A degree and a job doesn't guarantee sanity or goodness or honesty or integrity. He is in a position of authority and not likely to be questioned much. I'm just glad he's not my doctor.

You need to stand up for you and make yourself be respected. If it were me, every time he acted that way, I would leave, no matter what he said. Or just tell him in a motherly voice that you are not going to tolerate it. If you don't like playing mother (or warden as I call it), which this guy obviously needs, since he apparently wasn't brought up right and his behavior is "criminal", then I would cut my losses. Things will look up after, they always do. Sometimes we just pick bad ones, that is something many of us have to work on.