I am on medical leave but before the past two weeks when I was diagnosed and put on leave, I worked 12-16 hours per day. Sometimes from home. On those days I struggled with waking up on time, staying focused, and following through with projects. Those days were full of conference calls - some of which I led and others that I listened to or participated in. There were lots of action steps after them.

On the days that I was out in the field, my days varied. I seldom if ever went to the same place two days in a row. My territory is over two states, so sometimes I flew and stayed in hotels. Other days, due to traffic and commute to sites that are 2-3 hours each way from my home, I sometimes stay in hotel but am driving.

Often, after being out all day, I am home or in a hotel room answering emails or following up on projects. While I am driving, I am usually on the phone most of the time.

Now that I write that all down, I can't help say "what the hell was I thinking!"

Or perhaps that is a job for someone who is BP with ADD.

The job took over my life - and I think I set poor boundaries with it because others in my position had more of a private life than I do. Or maybe it took me longer than others to get all the tasks done. I was good at it until about 18 months ago, even with all the tough events in my life, until my brother and only sibling died. I think that his death was the last straw to dealing with depression on my own.

I am struggling with going back perhaps in 10 days - maybe more depending on my visit on Weds with my pdoc. I need to finish the last chapter of my Ph.D. dissertation that I have been ignoring and then have other work options.

I am trying to spend my days with small projects, only one at a time. For example, today, I spent one hour (set a timer) unsubscribing to emails that come from companies. They fill my inbox, and stress me out. I miss important emails in the clutter. I updated a Log In/Password list of internet sites we have, and categorized it so information is easier to find. I talked to a couple friends, who are supportive. And my cousin, who I love but doesn't know - she is struggling with a terminally ill husband and I don't want to add to her stress.

I took a shower. At 4 pm.

I hope I didn't threadjack. I don't intend to - and I sincerely love reading everyone else's posts. I am learning from you all and I thank you.