Its taking a lot for me to write this...a whole lot. Wish you could see how much my hands were shaking right now. Well first let me say I have tried talking to people in real life about this but the talks never go anywhere. They all say I am being dramatic, want attention, I am not confused and I'll be ok. But I am not getting ok, I can't remember when the thought of killing myself has night been in my head now or the many times I have sat in my room and cried because no one seems to listen. I have learned people online tend to listen more than people in real life so here it goes.

I know what gender I was born and like all parents mine made it clear to me which one I was but I never really felt like what they told me I was. I am a girl - born one and still am one but I never felt like one. While my sisters put on makeup, learned to do their hair, and played with dolls; I could always be found outside getting dirty, playing baseball and getting just as rough as any boy even in a dress. They thought it just a phase and I would grow out of it but I never did. I stayed a tomboy and went I got my first period - I wanted to kill myself but I didn't want it. I just didn't. I didn't want to be a girl, I wanted to be a boy and at the same time I don't want either.

I don't know if any of this is making sense to you. It sometimes doesn't make sense to me and its always in my head. As I got older it got harder for to keep relationships and talk about this to anyone. I am scared so scared of what they might do or think about me.
I don't know if I am gay, straight, bisexual, a boy, or girl anymore. I have sat in my room for days sometimes thinking about this to the point I make myself sick and throw up from it. My head is always hurting with these thoughts and I don't know what to do anymore. I have thought of killing myself but for now I have stopped myself from doing that.

I am girl and yet I am not. I am not a boy and yet want to be. I am unsure of my sexuality anymore. I am unsure who I am anymore. I don't dare tell my family or even friends about this. My family already thinks something is wrong with me and I don't wish to worry my friends.
I have seen only doctor and he was no help. If anything he made it worst and tried to put my on meds. It gets to the point that I just sit in my room and cry until I feel some relieve or throw up.

I don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me some advice or help me?
Please.