Quote:
Originally Posted by landskaperdan
it's hard not to feel like an outcast when it always feels like there is something wrong, something to hide in the prescence of others. that's how it is for me. So I pretend a lot. and I can get so wrapped up in pretending, that it's hard to come back down to reality a lot of times. especially when I am dragged down by depression.
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I can relate to feeling like I have to pretend everything is ok. I didn't want people to see the ugliness of BP. I was afraid of what would happen if people really knew. I was also afraid they wouldn't understand. In the end, it didn't work to pretend. I just increased my loneliness and didn't teach those around me about bp. I became resentful because I didn't have support even though those around me didn't know how bad it was.
So, I started describing it to my loved ones so they could understand. Then I had to ask for what I needed. I got understanding from some but not all. It is a process, but I feel better and I've found out who really cares about me.