Belief, money and time to do the work.

The last is what has messed me up and caused a regression into illness that also mutated into something else/or just got some extra layers added on/some life lessons tempering the sensitivities/the changing of illness over time. I was working a straight, 9-5 job and though I had insurance it was killing me.

I did it for five years and had more episodes and meds in me than I ever had as an adult. My 20's were a raw nerve nightmare at times, but my 30's... well, they are a lesson in what I am really dealing with in this life (even if I have had an identity crisis the entire time).

It is a luxury to take good care of yourself. Holistic (and I use this word as in the whole person body, mind, spirit) care of one's life, is expensive. I honestly think we do just need to get back to the garden... I hope I can access community and find a way to create a sane life in an insane world. The meds are with me, and I just want to believe that they can help me get some perspective and that I can make a life that facilitates my stability while being true to myself/truly finding my full self.

I just read what I typed above, and I automatically think it's overly optimistic and sticking of naive and usually disappointing, idealism.