...I'm sitting on the couch at my parents' house.
They see me sitting quietly on my Kindle Fire, occasionally looking up at the television. So I appear to be social, spending family time.

What's actually going on is I'm not moving from this spot, not looking at my mother or father, have pretty basic communication failure with every one.

I'm twisted in on myself and can't stop feeling everything is wrong.
This can't keep going- I'm supposed to start working part time soon- I almost lost that job last time because of the ocd. My savings is pretty much gone and if I try to just get by on disability, I can't afford all the medical care I could really really use. Forget about getting certification for peer support when... if I can ever get back up again.

But I'm on disability for a reason. Working makes me worse.
Everything makes me worse. Existing makes me worse.

I think I'm just making me worse and I pretty much make zero contribution to the world at this point. I get scared of everything all the time and often can't explain it, therefore I come off as a really terrible person.

I keep getting woken up by the freaking Sun and everyday think maybe it should be my last sunrise. But it's not. I don't really know why, nothing is changing.
If anything it gets worse.

At some point, you keep getting up everyday and the well known learned helplessness experiment- with the rodents in a cage that had an electrified floor- enters your mind more and more often.

So. Awesome.