I get you guys. Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it...but I don't know how I really feel right now, anger and hurt at him or anger and hurt at myself for letting him get to me and making me neglect my studies so badly.

Okay, what I'm about to post next is under relationships, but since i'm here i might as well post it here. I can't forgive myself for dumping my ex after two weeks. I didn't want to progress the relationship any further. He has been trying to be nice, but he has hurt me a lot, and to tell the truth, I AM actually hurt, but i bore it all because in my opinion, I deserved it for "playing" with his feelings during the two week relationship. Every time he tries to be friends and I was just so scared of making a mistake I just tried my best to be friends and all but we couldn't. Every time he hurt me during the friendship process i'd just bear it and try to see things from his side, because for me, he was the right one all the time, never in the wrong. He was ultra-sensitive about everything i did (even just naturally not talking to each other), although he claims that this is what friends shouldn't do and should talk to each other often, and for me, I thought that I was being selfish and thoughtless about his feelings every time he said that, and this has been going on and off for a year.

We cut off contact for awhile, he was the one who did, and then he suddenly wants to be friends again. I accepted it, because I was fine with it that time. He says to trust each other and talk whatever. But ...

Now whenever I think about everything he ever did to hurt me and about what I did, I snapped. I went crazy last night. (hence the above post) I got so angry and upset about everything he's ever done. I've been neglecting my studies like f*** and failing and my future's a mess. After we broke it off last year and after a little while i'd realised my feelings for him but he's already found someone else, and I didn't know, i said I loved him but he didn't even give a reply, let alone a closure. He just sort of skipped the topic because it made things awkward, and we sort of smiled it off. I just....I just feel so angry, and my self-esteem got blown to bits when i heard he found someone else AND YET HE STILL WANTS TO FRIENDS. And above all that, I still feel all this hurt to me, is karma because i've hurt him when I've dumped him. This must be what he felt, and I owe this friendship to him, no matter how much it sucks for me. That's how I feel. Am I doing the right thing?

To a red panda: yes, i know that I have been wasting my time thinking about him, but I've never really thought that I'd needed help. I thought that I'd be fine, but it hasn't been fine. And as you see, i haven't been avoiding the problem, I have been trying to deal with it by the stuff I've done as mentioned above. But I still can't move on. It has never occurred to me it might be something so serious as depression to need a therapist. Don't think there's any in my area. School counselors should be okay for my case, though? Since I'm dealing with what an adolescent student deals with.