I tried what you told me to. That was an eye-opener. It's not that what you said never occurred to me before, but it has helped me sort out my feelings for quite a bit. I see what you mean. That is a very interesting way of looking at things....not to mention a pretty refreshing perspective actually. I laughed at the owing him sex part. That just makes more sense that way. What you said not only makes sense, it even lifted my spirits a little. So I'm normal after all..

And the thing is actually: I'm not SURE he is in a relationship, but he likes someone and that girl also likes him, so it's pretty much a relationship. I feel like he's keeping his options open and i'm someone to fall back on if he doesn't get what he wants? And you Number 8 point was mind-blowing.

And about the really low self-worth part...I've had suspicions that my esteem was lower than normal "low" levels, because my esteem was low to begin with, since i have been bullied before when I was younger, but not anymore though. Now that my very first relationship was kaput even though i've tried so hard, esteem's dropped beyond the realm of human emotion. I'm exaggerating, of course. But I've never thought about suicide before, was fairly content before he came. Because every time I get angry at him for hurting me, I feel like i'm the bad person who doesn't deserve to be angry and so i bear it and suck it all up. THANK YOU for pointing it out. IT'S amazing you notice things like that even though i'm not with you in real life. I have been punishing myself all this time come to think of it...

The thing is...the times he hurt me was because he was hurt. y'know, cause we broke up. And then right after that (a month maybe?) I've heard rumours and stuff that he likes this girl whom he used to like (the girl, me and him were from the same school previously) and then he confessed to her blablabla and then the times he hurt me was when we try to become friends and when i just don't talk to him at school (i don't ignore him, but i don't talk to him either). I did this for quite a long time, and then several failed friendship attempts, I got fed up and left, and that's when he started apologising for everything he did...and then he started saying he misses me things like that. Things got intense and we nearly got back, and he said he wanted closure...like...a relationship and then break it off and we'll move forward. I don't know what he meant by that. To get together for a little while and then break it off, and he goes back to that girl? Cause after this we'll be going to our unis and overseas and yeah...

But albeit everything, Thank you very much, A Red Panda. You have been really helpful and supportive throughout my feelings. It makes my head a lot clearer now.