Welcome to PC UnknownScaredFace - thank you for sharing and sorry this is troubling you so much. This is a safe place to share. Decades ago, doctors and people didn't know much about this topic and they felt very alone. Please don't think of suicide - you are the way you are and its okay. I don't know how old you are - if you're very young I suggest you may have to wait a bit, to know for sure if your feelings change. If you're well into your 20's you should find a therapist who specializes in gender related issues.

Its great this topic is more accepted in todays society so others don't feel so isolated. You're not alone in feeling this way and its okay to have these doubts. Here's a good link:

PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays