Hello unhappyguy, I hope you have some help or seeking some in some form, and clearly you are here on PC, so that is good! It might be hard for you to believe, but I have known a few other middle age folks, of various genders and sexual persuasions, who've had similar experiences. So know you are not alone! But, the first thing is to take stock of anything or anyone you enjoy, and work on that. If you have problems here, you can try searching your soul. What brings you pleasure??? If you are comfortable with anything or anyone in particular, and you are not hurting yourself or others, why then, ok. I wish I could offer more, but just wanted to encourage you not to give up. I wish you joy, peace, and strength!