You'll find lots of good stuff if you Google "cathexis" and "imago." There is an Imago Therapy too. It's about relationships, but not limited to couples, although that's probably what it is most associated with. Another one that I like is Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy. I don't have my bookmarks on this computer, but you can probably find that on a search too if you're interested. Anyway, that's stuff that is kind-of all a bit similar in some ways. It all deals with relationships somehow - the way that you relate to people now, and how to get the experiences out of relationships that will give you what you need to further your development.

Kohut is talking more about the general kind of narcissism that everyone has than about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think that narcissism thing might have been a turn-off for me about Self Psychology, because it's not something that we like to see in ourselves. Everyone has it though, to one degree or another. Some too much and some too little.

You're right about reality being frustrating. One quote that I like (can't remember where it's from - maybe I saw it here in someone's siggy) is "I reject your reality and substitute my own." I think I could get in trouble for that though.

TC,
Rap