Sounds like myself (lol minus the age difference...you had probably a 8 year head start on me if you started planning it at 4 ). Opportunities came, and I either didn't feel ready or didn't want to share that with the person at hand (namely a stalker of mine in high school). I wanted, then and now, for it to mean something.

lol Ironically, now that I do feel ready, the opportunities that used to love to hang around sort of up and vanished. -_- But that's a whole 'nother story there, I suppose.

Feel any reservations about the love not being there? I'm stretching my memory thin, but that was a concern of yours once, was it not?