It seems the longer I am single and keep getting rejected the deeper into porn I sink into....though the past few months porn hasn't been doing anything for me and out of loneliness o started going to a club spending all my money just to have a girl sit and talk to me,hug me,kiss me on the cheek,and private dances,,,,,I haven't gone to a club like that in over 15 years again it was out of loneliness cuz I can't get a date....what I'm ascared of is the 3xs I went to this club....its not enough....I've been doing so good in my recovery from mental illness over the past 8 years,relapsed in symptoms this past May...been fighting to get back on track...but I keep falling,I've been isolating,going on PC a lot cuz wen I go out especially in summer at first I was getting deppressed seeing couples together,seeing women the way they dress in summer,lately that deppression has turned into frustration,I started hurting myself to stop feeling that way,working out out of frustration,now it seems wen I have to go out after 8 years of rejections,I get so Angry seeing women with FREAKS hurting myself isn't enough,,,,now I'm losing my counseling after 10 years ,PC is all I've got....I'm not sure why I wrote all this but I needed to ne honest ,I'm not a violent person though raised in an abusive family,physically,sexually,emotionally,,,,am I capable of hurting someone out of frustration?...how long can someone go getting one rejection after another for being TOO NICE?....how long can one go seeing other women with other men and no woman is willing to touch me unless I pay?....can this world really drive a good man BAD?