I can empathize with your situation and so sorry you feel this way. I'm in a very similar situation when it comes to having go-to people. It's been making my depression and anxiety worse when I think of it, and that's been a lot lately. I have a lot going on to take care of and I feel like I have no one to be there for me for support and the people that I even consider calling, I just feel like I'd be bothering them.
I wish I had a great solution for you. I've had to deal lately by adjusting meds. I try to think positive and do affirmations but it's a constant battle it seems. You're not alone and reading your post helped me today