I'm not talking about suicide. I still want to live. Whatever this life is... I mean.. it's the only one we have.. and while it's a struggle, life is still life. Everybody struggles.

It's just.. I'm feeling so "blah".

I know I need to change.. to get into healthy habits! Be a productive citizen! But I can't bring myself to do it. I like finding music and chilling and smoking a cigarette or having a beer instead of doing work. I know smoking is bad. I know exercise is good.

INTELLECTUALLY I KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS.. so why the eff am I still ... like... ... this?

Some people say it's because you don't really want to change.. otherwise you would. Well, I'm telling you, I do. Do I just have to get this stupidity and this self-abuse out of my system? Or.. like.. what do people do?

How do you motivate yourself to get yourself out of this blunted meh stage of mood??