Maybe you can now have an open dialogue with your mother about the pain your are in. Perhaps instead of trying to show your mom you are okay, which is obviously not true, she will be able to see the reality that you too are in pain. Could be a wake up call to your mom, and really, while I know she is really hurting too, she needs to know what is going on with her living children too. As painful as this is, now may be the time to really be able to communicate to your mom what is going on with you. I'm sure finding this out is scary for her and the way to manage this is to really talk to her about this instead of trying to be the strong one for her all the time.