I ruin everything. I was just hiding in my room doing whatever and I heard footsteps upstairs. I panicked and immediately started eating stuff. I don't even remember how much I ate, I know that I feel sick right now and I deserve it. I deserve everything I got in life because when it comes down to it, I have no self control the second anything gets hard.

I hate how many times I use the word "I" in my posts. It's so selfish of me to waste my time talking about myself so much especially when I'm subjecting people to read it. I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I don't know why I'm bringing up this thread again that has probably long since been annoying everyone. I need to stop saying "I this" or "I that". There are clearly plenty of people out there that are more important than me.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess I'm just really lonely and I feel like the people on this thread are at least a little bit interested in my life even though I sound like a completely crazy, emotionally unstable wreck. I think twice about posting in this forum because I feel like I'm probably this complete hot *** mess disaster in the eyes of the other people on here. I'm so lonely all the damn time and my T has this wonderful habit of never being there when I need her. Where is she now? Who knows? Who cares. Not her and not me. Not anyone. She wants to say I can trust her and rely on her and depend on her to support me but she is only available to me at 3pm Tues and Thurs during the school year? How can she expect me to rely on her? I don't need her at 3pm on a Tues in October. I need her at 2am on a Sunday in August.