Sara, I wonder if you have the resources to seek a therapist and discuss this? I'm thinking if you were seeing a T. when you meet someone who might be a potential friend, the T. might be able to give you guidance or reassurance enough to help you realize that potential rather than shy away from it as in the past.

One thing you might think about is that whatever you say to someone else, they take it with less expectations than you give it--they don't know what you intend to say or want to say, so whatever comes out sounds pretty good to them. You may be over analyzing things and making them worse in your mind than they really are. You express yourself very well here. I suspect you do in person as well. You probably do better in social situations than you realize. Be kind to yourself--you are probably just fine.

I remember the first party to whichI went after I was divorced--and it was a costume party, of all things, before Halloween! I felt so awkward, but it went OK and I was really empowered that I was able to go and stay for a couple of hours by myself. At least, I knew most of the people from work. I tried to sit in a bunch of people so there was conversation going on all around and I joined in some of it when I could. The first was the worst, after that, it got easier.